How To Persuade Like An Architect of Ethics, Not a Merchant of Deceit.

One evening, while tucking my 5-year-old daughter into bed, she asked a question that only a child’s innocence can convey with such gravity:

“Daddy, how many bad people are there in the world?”

Her question, though simple, captured the complexities of human nature with disarming simplicity.

I told her that morality is a choice — we can choose to act for good or for ill.

As she drifted off to sleep, I felt the weight of her question. Then, It ignited the theme for my next workshop on the profound responsibility that accompanies the power of persuasion.

Persuasion is far more than merely influencing others; it carries the profound responsibility of how we choose to influence.

How do we make sure our influence is ethical?

During my persuasion programs, a common question arises:

“Isn’t persuasion just manipulation? Where do we draw the line?”

It’s a valid question highlighting a frequent dilemma — how often do our attempts to persuade unintentionally veer towards manipulation, clouding our intentions and compromising our integrity?

And what can we do to avoid that pitfall?

This concern underscores the need for a grounded ethical approach, especially in today’s climate, where the lines between influence and coercion can become blurred in public discourse and professional practices.

Here, we face a clear choice: Either we build trust or traps.

Ethical considerations are crucial for living better — and for mastering effective persuasion. It’s vital to ensure that our influence is morally sound. How do we maintain the integrity of our intent? How do we prevent our persuasive techniques from descending into exploitation?

Just as my daughter’s question prompted me to reassess my methods of teaching persuasion with a focus on the ethical component, this article invites you to evaluate your applications.

By the end, you will have some tools to ensure that your influence mirrors your morals through ethical persuasion.

But first, let’s explore the dual application of some of the principles of persuasion.

For Good or For ill.

As we delve deeper into some of the principles of persuasion, you’ll find a clear path to becoming either an architect of ethics or a merchant of deceit.

Consider the principle of Reciprocity — a fundamental human inclination to balance give and take — and how it can develop into warmth or wariness.

• For Good: You are at a craft fair filled with the aroma of homemade goods. A smiling artisan hands you a sample of jam. “I made this batch with berries picked from my garden this morning. I’d love for you to try it,” she says. This gesture is more than generosity; it’s an invitation into her world, fostering a sense of community and shared moments.
• For Ill: Contrast this with downloading a free marketing ebook. Before you even start reading, a barrage of emails pressures you to buy an expensive course. This misuse of reciprocity manipulates your sense of obligation, twisting it into a tool for coercion.

Scarcity tells us that things seem more valuable when they are less available, yet how we use this principle varies widely:

• For Good: For its anniversary, a local brewery crafts a limited-edition beer with rare hops, creating a scarce blend and unique experience that genuinely enhances its brand.
• For Ill: Imagine rushing to buy a “limited-time” gadget, only to discover there was never a shortage. This manufactured urgency manipulates fear, pushing rash decisions instead of genuine interest.

And sometimes, it’s not merely ill-usage of the principles, but evil.

Consider the principle of Unity: it can foster meaningful connections or manipulate masses:

• For Evil: Adolf Hitler perverted the principle of unity, twisting it into a tool of nationalism that led to the horrors of war and genocide, exploiting shared identity to direct a nation toward unspeakable atrocities.
• For Good: Conversely, unity shines in a community garden project where residents unite to beautify their neighborhoods and provide fresh produce to local schools. This collaborative effort not only improves the locale but strengthens bonds, creating a legacy of collective accomplishment.

The guiding principle is simple:

Use words to build trust, not traps.

Ethical persuasion is non-negotiable.

Standing at a crossroads, we face two paths:

One offers quick wins through deceit; the other promises lasting gains through honest efforts. Ethical persuasion is about choosing integrity over ease — choosing good over ill.

Think of persuasion as a tool, like a pencil. You can use it to write words that heal or, improperly, to cause harm. The pencil isn’t inherently good or bad — it’s all in how you wield it.

Ethical persuasion should not deceive or coerce but aid and connect.

It’s two roads converging — and the choice is up to you.

Choosing the ethical path is the most beneficial — it makes your journey clearer, more efficient, and far more rewarding. It guides discussions and decisions transparently and straightforwardly, helping everyone reach their desired destinations without confusion or misdirection.

The unethical path spirals into doubt, dread, and despairing dead ends.

But what does it truly mean to choose the ethical route?

Consider these three fundamental criteria, which I learned from my mentor Dr. Robert Cialdini, to guide your persuasive efforts:

• 1. Truth: Ask yourself, is your claim rooted in facts? Are they objective? Ensuring your statements are accurate and truthful is the cornerstone of ethical persuasion.
• 2. Natural: Reflect on whether your approach is a genuine part of the situation or artificially introduced. Ethical persuasion leverages what is naturally present rather than distorting reality or fabricating conditions for convenience.
• 3. Wise: Would it be wise for both parties if the recipient says yes to your request? Ethical persuasion aims for win-win scenarios, where consent and agreement bring positive results for everyone.

Recall the question that sparked our exploration:

“How many bad people are there in the world?”

This isn’t just a query about numbers; it’s a call to reflect on our choices and the type of people we aspire to be.

Ethical persuasion is a commitment to integrity, laying down roads of sincerity that lead to real, lasting connections. Every word we choose, every action we take, defines us.

By making ethical choices, we align ourselves with the “good people” my daughter hopes the world is filled with.

Want to learn more about Ethical Persuasion? Check out Leopold’s Ethical Influence Program and reach out for a chat.

If you enjoyed this article, follow and connect with Leopold Ajami on Linkedin.

And please, do refer this article to a friend. It goes a long way in helping me grow this blog (and bring more Ethical Influencers into the world).

Leopold Ajami is a Certified Public Speaking and Thought Leadership Coach. He’s also one of the few Cialdini Certified Ethical Persuasion Coach, a Founding Member of The Cialdini Insitute, and the Founder of Novel Philosophy Academy.

Additional Resources:

• Read “5 Seconds to Standing Ovations”: How Your Opening Lines Can Electrify The Room.
• Read “The Anatomy of Air: 10 Public Speaking Tactics from Vaccaro’s Speech to Michael Jordan.” I also developed a workbook to help you apply the 10 tactics. Contact me on Linkedin, and I’ll send you a copy.
• Dive deeper into Decoding Clarity and Give Them A Piece Of You.

Check out Leopold’s Podcast, Ideas On Trial.